儿：哦，原来我是virus!

so.. enjoy yourselves with some jokes…

1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they
will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately
refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw
in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything
smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average
number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man
would not be able to identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

6. CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick
cats.

7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A
man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.

10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man
will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods,
secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some
short people living in the house.

13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two
people remembering the same thing.

AND FINALLY…..
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of
them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of
mules and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”
“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”

 
GUY : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down   

 

 Finally , the guys’ side of the story.
( I must admit, it’s pretty good.) 
We always hear ‘the rules‘
From the female side. 

 

 Now here are the rules from the male side.  

These are our rules!
Please note. these are all numbered ‘1′ 
ON PURPOSE! 

 

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports - It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. 
Let us be clear on this one: 
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.  Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days. 

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.  Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the  other one 

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.. 

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will act like nothing’s wrong. 
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really . 

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.  Round IS a shape! (Only applicable to SH)

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. 
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

Credit: Forwarded-email from Sin.